Invisible Haze

This morning, on the way to work, I felt happy that it was Friday and almost the weekend. My mind seems to be moving nonstop. Daydreaming is a constant. Adults aren't supposed to have an imagination, for them it would be creativity, but I'm pretty sure I'm an exception to the rule.

I feel really happy in my relationship. I still get excited to come home. I am still worried to lose her (that should be a good sign, right?). With her is where I feel at home. I think I want to get married. I've found myself lately just feeling comfortable with bigger steps, like marriage, a house, or kids, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I feel security even though my mind isn't fully unconvinced? I also just think about us looking at each other and smiling, or dancing at a bar and looking so dumb. She would never be uninhibited enough to do that, but I can dream, right? Usually, these dreams have an invisible haze, one you can't see but you know it's there, that really does make us the only two people in the room. Our emotions and our happiness is like jumping beans in a bubble, just ready to explode.

Sometimes when she is in a bad mood, or snappy, or just makes me mad because I'm sensitive, my mind goes to immediately ending things. I think that's fear. My fight or flight has leaned more in the direction of flight these days because of the past. I hate that about myself.